Meaningful Life Without Kids
article written in support of World Childless Week
Can life be meaningful and full of purpose without having children? This was a question I was recently asked.
Are children the major gift in life that makes us feel worthy and of value to the world we live in? I believe in children and children is our future. They are gifts that bless some people’s lives but not others. Life is abundant with gifts, motherhood is one of them.
I realised that Motherhood is not all of me. Motherhood is only a part of me. There is a big difference. I found the courage to let go of the attachment to fulfilling this dream to be a mother and a grandmother… because it was hurting me.
Is having children one part that defines who we are because who we are is much bigger than the role of being a loving mother or father? Yes, absolutely.
Since I was a child and later as a teenager I remember myself playing and looking after young ones. When we were at social gatherings with my parents, I’d be naturally inclined to be the appointed “guardian” and carer of young children. It was coming with such incredible ease for me. Having children and being a mother was part of my upbringing in a Greek family in my motherland Greece and later in my twenties and up until my late thirties the longing to have my own children was still very strong, deeply ingrained in my being.
There were two (or maybe three) things I knew since I was young I would be great at: being a mother and a teacher. Various life circumstances didn’t make it possible for me to fulfil one of them: experiencing motherhood and mothering my own children.
I am childless by circumstance, not by choice.
Was it easy for me to accept it? The answer is a big NO! The emotional turmoil, the questioning of myself, seeing life as not fair, having a battle with my own identity as a woman who deserves to give birth to her children. Oh my freedom … was compromised.
Biologically I was fully aware there are limits that cannot be ignored or overrun. You may ask yourself, have I tried to change the circumstances? Yes I did but I wasn’t on my own in this.
My life partner and beloved husband was not in favour of having children. So what could I do? Leave him? Yes that idea crossed my mind and was also open with him. However, when we talk about love, we cannot place conditions, can we? I’ll stay with you, if you agree to be the father of my children … I have taken risks in my life, trust me. I wasn’t prepared to lose him in search of a man who would have potentially liked the idea to be a father.
When I met Sean I was 30 years old. I was living in a foreign country and fulfilling my dream to live in France, speaking French and teaching languages. Remember, this is what I have been naturally good and gifted at and love inspiring others to learn, open their hearts and minds and grow! Moving in with him in England was a natural step and the opportunity to study Linguistics at the Manchester University was offered to me. And I said yes! Thinking that the more we grow together and share a life together, the closer we become and therefore his fears would be diminishing … I was hoping for a change. But no, he was adamant. I remember I was 39 years old and the excruciating pressure I was feeling by my parents to be a mother urging me to go back to Greece and find a Greek man to pro-create. It wasn’t as simple as they wanted me to believe it was. In their minds it was a simple move. It wasn’t for me.
I said Yes to Love.
No regrets. I know I am loved deeply exactly as I am.
After hours and hours of training in heart intelligence and traveling back and forth from Holland and spending thousands of pounds in my own self development and understanding, it helped so much to find peace within, accepting my life as it is and being more compassionate with myself and the people in my life.
Life has blessed me to connect with children and young people over the last twenty five years as a teacher of Modern Languages working in mainstream education, colleges and also in private schools in Greece, France and the UK where I live now. I do appreciate their emotional upheavals caused by lack of empathy and understanding coming from their families. So over the last five years I have found a new meaning in life facilitating the navigation of the waves of emotions through another path I chose … through the psychology of colour and colour therapy courses I teach.
There has been a deep understanding in me that honouring myself first and foremost no matter what the circumstances is of vital importance. If I couldn’t dig inside to claim my own golden worth, wisdom, power and truth, how can I possibly facilitate the process for children’s mining for their own gold!? So they become the true, authentic leaders in our society.
Being a Mother for me is the archetypal of giving your love unconditionally. Loving with no expectations, no conditions attached. And yet being a mother is also connected with allowing to receive and be nourished and loved. This is where I have found my purpose in life is to encourage you through the radio shows I host since 2010 to explore the journey of self love, self acceptance, self compassion, self healing and releasing of the dramas and doubts that deplete relentlessly our energy and power to bring our authentic self out there.
Women are multi-faceted, multi-talented, beautiful beings blessed with feminine wisdom, hope, love and joy. Being a mother is one part of what a woman is. Life without kids is not meaningless by no means. Being a mother and a loving, caring human being can be translated and expressed in so many ways as an activist, as an explorer, as a scientist, as a teacher, as a volunteer, as an artist, as an author, as a broadcaster, as a godmother, as an auntie, as a friend, as a change maker… contributing to the betterment of this world.
Dig deep and connect and embrace abundance of inner worth, golden wisdom, real and authentic power and, step by step, rise and share it in your community and making an impact as big or as small you choose it to be. There is no right or wrong.
We are all worthy experiencing our full potential.
The choice lies within you.
I found strength in learning to accept what is, loving my husband as he is, trusting life with whatever challenges and obstacles come in my way. Of course, there are moments when I am triggered. The difference now is that I have become more confident and resilient in knowing how to come out of being low or feeling hurt. It can get easier … believe me.
As long as I am alive, blessed to be on this wonderful planet Earth, I will seek to be and express myself in the best possible version through my actions, my thoughts, my feelings, my choices and my contributions to the people I work with, I teach, I love, I inspire and encourage to continue the quest for mining for inner precious gold and keep sharing it generously with anyone who is ready to receive its brilliance, its radiance, its beauty and with anyone who is attracted to its authenticity and truth.